She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
