Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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