as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
a search helicopter?!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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