I'm sorry my penis didn't work
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
