I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
