Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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