he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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