oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
