apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
pop tarts are not kleenex
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
