I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize