I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
