You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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