Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
