This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
