My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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