Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize