you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
