Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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