Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
