my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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