Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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