She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
