Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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