actually, I'm a sock model
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
