# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
