I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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