what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
