i was rollin on her like bob the builder
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
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My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
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Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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