Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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