Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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