Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
