you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
