i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
