I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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