its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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