i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
