the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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