i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
