kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
