Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just had sex bonerless
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
