I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
