she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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