you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
