please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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