Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
