I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
