the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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