I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
