My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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