I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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