Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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