theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
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Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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