I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
