I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
