Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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