Me too!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I smell stomach acid.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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