Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
