i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
