Me too!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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