I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
