if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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