What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
...so i touched it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
