She announced her abortion via fbk
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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