I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize