Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize