I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
