I think I died a long time ago.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You're like the curious george of whores
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
