So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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