Redeem this text for a blowjob
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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