But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I touched a dick in church today
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
