Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
