so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
