turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
